All the world’s a stage; And all the men and women merely players - Shakespeare
In this theoretical quality of life is nowhere more obvious than in the social world. We all know that in this world we never reveal our true selves.
What we are is the product of our genes, environment and the interaction of the two, but what we are in the public is only a side of this totality.
From very early in life, we learn to present only our traits of character which give us social acceptance by others and diminish those traits which oppose acceptance. This behaviour leads us to creation of our social masks or what can be called a persona.
(persona: the part of a person’s character that they reveal to other people, especially when their real character is very different)
Carl Jung explains persona as :
“Fundamentally the persona is nothing real: it is a compromise between individual and society as to what a man should appear to be.”
In the compromise, some fare better others, for what a society favours even in ideal conditions is good for most but never for all. If our values and the strength of our character do not align with the trends of conformity then a persona builds on these trends wills always feel awkward.
We may try to solve this problem by superior acting skills and learning to play our role well, despite our distaste for it, but this never proves to be a real solution.
So what can we do if our persona is not serving us well?
Should be resign ourselves to this fact that withdrawing ever more in to the inner realm. Our psyche and shun the social world along with the opposition if has to offer or can we reconstruct our persona into one that accommodate our individuality and allow us to navigate the social world with more success.
While the passive stance in the our initial construct of our persona can make it feel like a permanent part of our being, but we do have the ability to resculpt the masks we wear in public.
Rather than being the man or women who others want us to be we can heel the ancient wisdom to become who we are and we can construct a persona more aligned with our values and the strengths of our character.
Carl Jung points out that in the construction of one’a persona, there are two sources around which to orient it. It can be oriented around the expectation and demand of society which is the path of the conformist or it can be oriented around the social aims and aspirations of the individual which is the path we must take if we are dissatisfied with our role in the stage of life.
Constructing a persona built on the foundation of one individual is a task few dare to take. Most people believe that only through conformity will others accept them. Being different however is not the death kneel to social success that some imagine it to be . Many of us feel the chains of conformity to be suffocating and so the man of women who is able to loosen those chains can be refreshing sight.
For as long as what makes us unique, it doesn’t install fear or disgust in other people it can be the raw material upon which to construct a powerful person.
To achieve social success while spurning the chains of conformity requires that we cultivate a genuine pride in who we are, we must accept what makes us unique if we are to have any hope of others doing the same.
For if we are different but insecure about our differences, then we will forever remain a social outcast. Therefore if we choose to resculpt our persona in a manner that reflects our individuality, we need to first develop a solid foundation upon which to build. We should strive to love with purpose to adopt ambitious goals which align with our values and to take the consistent action requires to move us in this direction. By doing this we will develop justified pride in who we are and this will be reflected through whatever social marks we choose to wear.
The reconstruction of our persona will only be effective if we couple this process with a devotion to strengthening our social skills. For social skills do not magically appear with a choice to adopt a new persona and they can be sorely lacking if we have spent years hiding being a mask.
We could never fully embrace to overcome this deficit we need to put ourselves into situation we fear and to be willing to experience the blunders and failures that accompany the mastery of any skill.
For only frequent practice will engender the boldness spontaneity and confidence that produces social success. This process can be made easier when we recognise that the social world is not full of individuals examining our every move, instead it is populated by men and women full of there own doubts, fears and insecurities.
Most people are more likely to be stuck in their own heads than thinking about how others are behaving.
Our blenders are never as dire as we make them out to be and recognising this can grow us a little extra freedom as we begin experimenting with our new role.
We may try to understand and car the way the powerful in the society behave and se there social skills. Even with improved social skills however we need to recognise that our choice to adopt a persona more aligned with our individuality means that we will not be accepted by everyone. But a universal acceptance should never be our goals in a world of such diversity and with so many individuals who harbour their own insecurities rejection and redouble are inevitable no matter who we are.
Goethe writes - It is a great folly to hope that other men will harmonize with us; I have never hoped this. I have always regarded each man as an independent individual, whom I endeavored to understand with all his peculiarities, but from whom I desired no further sympathy. In this way have I been enabled to converse with every man, and thus alone is produced the knowledge of various characters and the dexterity necessary for the conduct of life.
This task of remaking our persona and establish a more effective role on the stage of life can be seem daunting especially if we have spent years or facades wearing the mask of an outcast.
Some of us may look to our past and all the disappointment we have experienced and wonder if it is worth the effort. But remaining a social outcast is itself a daunting task.
The more we fear interaction the more we ill avoid it and the more we avoid it the Larger it’s absence becomes over our life.
Robert Greene writes - “The character you seem to have been born with is not necessarily who you are; beyond the characteristics you have inherited, your parents, your friends, and your peers have helped to shape your personality. The Promethean task of the powerful is to take control of the process, to stop allowing others that ability to limit and mold them. Remake yourself into a character of power. Working on yourself like clay should be one of your greatest and most pleasurable life tasks. It makes you in essence an artist — an artist creating yourself.”